Begin again

Getting vulnerable is uncomfortable, but I have taken a 2 year sabbatical from my photography business and feel like explaining why because it's still part of my struggle. I love photography, but I have a lot of anxiety and pain wrapped in it as well.

On January 1st, 2015 my sweet mother died after battling cancer. She was the reason I started photography, she helped me develop my eye, how I see things through my lens. and she poured over my photographs after every shoot and raved about how talented she thought I was.

My mom gave me the confidence to start my business, to shoot weddings, and not to give up when I felt talentless or critical of my work. I also have debilitating anxiety, and I would panic before every shoot but my mom would give me pep talks that helped me show up for my clients. My mom was my cheerleader.

When my mom died, so did my motivation. She was my partner and inspiration - photography has felt empty without her.

I am a recovering heroin and cocaine addict. After several serious losses and hardships over the past couple of years, I ended up relapsing. My addiction almost killed me last year, but the past few months I've been fighting for my life and have finally made it out of hell. I'm learning how to cope with life in healthier, more effective ways.

One of those healthy coping skills has been rediscovering my passion for photography! It is amazing that I can report that I'm finally ready to begin again. For real this time :) I've also relocated - I now live in Arizona, Phoenix area.

I've slowly started taking clients and I'll blog some recent shoots in the next little bit. I'm cautious, a little anxious, and finally excited to start doing what I love again.